FamilyWORKZ was started in 2005 in response to a community need for unique, creative, and specialized assistance for individuals, couples and families in dealing with impossible situations.

Too many times, a situation or set of circumstances causes people to get stuck and lose confidence in their ability to fix, solve or repair a personal problem. When this happens, instead of trying something new, our tendency is to keep doing what we always do. Unfortunately, this type of logic rarely helps the situation. More likely, doing more of the same does nothing but dig the hole deeper. When people find themselves standing in a deep hole, what happens next is that their life, marriage or family begins to suffer. In other words, the hole just keeps getting deeper.

The Logic of Failure

Fortunately, hidden deep within the crevices of our frustrations, confusions, and disappointments exist the opportunity for a turnaround. The key is to understand the logic of our mistakes and contribution to the problem. That is, since every behavior has a purpose, we need to slow down long enough to figure out the purpose of our behavior. Once we make sense of our behavior, this type of understanding invites the opportunity for people to change their perspective or the way they see something. In turn, changing the way we see something directly influences our interaction with that something. When we change the way we behave, we begin to impact others in different ways.

What do you do when you don't know what to do?

This is a great first question. Instead of thinking about your problem from the perspective of what your next move should be, think how your answer to this question interacts with and contributes to your problem.

Is Your Problem Solvable or Unsolvable?

Some problems are solvable. These types of problems deserve straightforward and practical solutions. For instance, when your car breaks down you immediately take it to a mechanic, who diagnoses the problem, orders the right parts, and makes the repair. The only downside to this type of problem is the price tag. This story represents a first order change.

Other problems, many of which occur within relationships, are unsolvable. In these cases, there is no mechanic that can repair the unfixable situation. If we stay stubbornly attached to what our minds tell us is the solution, we end up doing the same thing over and over. Remember the deep hole mentioned above? If we keep digging, what we create is a solution-generated problem. That is, although well-intentioned, our solution often makes the problem bigger. When this happens, we need to throw the shovel down, change our frame of mind, and turn toward a second order change.

A second order change involves a careful and meaningful inspection of the rules, patterns, and assumptions that keep the problem alive. By challenging these three factors, we gain valuable insight into the dynamics of the real problem. Armed with this type of deeper understanding, we can begin tinkering with doing something other than what we always tend to do.