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ourWORKZ

The official blog of familyWORKZ™

February 11, 2010

Humptydumptying

Filed under: Couples,Families — admin @ 11:57 am

Referencing Lewis Carroll’s Humpty Dumpty in Through the Looking-Glass. When Alice asks Humpty Dumpty what he meant by “glory,” he replies, “I meant there’s a nice knock-down argument for you.” Alice protests that this isn’t the meaning of “glory.” “When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty answers, in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean – neither more nor less.”

Sound familiar?

In the context of relationships, many times, when one person says something (sends a communication signal), the other person improperly receives the message – resulting in a disconnection or invalidation or both.

Once disconnected, either or both people have a tendency to become disjointed, annoyed, frustrated, or otherwise psychologically distressed. What we desire most during these times of disconnection is connection and help. What we often receive, by contrast, is further distance and isolation.

Stated another way, instead of turning to the wisdom of Humpty Dumpty (stand up for self without putting the other person down or meaning what we say without becoming mean), we experience mounting intolerance and end up feeling like either jumping off the wall ourselves or wanting to push the other person off the wall. Either way, someone is bound to have a great fall.

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