Divorce is an unsettling blend of chaos – stress, disequilibrium, and crisis – with a dash of hope. The challenge inherent in working with a system that is divided into opposites is the lack of a consistent and positive focus. When perceptions shift rapidly between the certainty that blame engenders and the curiosity of the unknown, an imbalance is created. Once imbalanced, our human tendency is to return to our default mode of operating by doing the same thing over and over. Typically, our first reaction is to protect our self and not give up our turf. In a word, we become “tough.”

By reputation, divorce is a dramatic event braided by a slow process of drearily repetitive attacks and counterattacks of negativity. When the interactional dynamic becomes saturated by one partner’s tendency to give off more negative than positive energy, the other partner will be unknowingly influenced by this force and, without conscious awareness, become increasingly negative. In this way, negativity begets negativity (a process called negative affect reciprocity). The end result is an interactional cascade bundled with increasingly intolerable, undiscussable, and unimaginable tension. Without resolution, the problems remain unchanged as resentments soar and the cycle of unending misery persists.

The good news is that if “it” (the divorce and its trailing ugliness) was human made, then it is human correctable.

The biggest threat to a divorce-soaked family is chaos. In this way, the divorced couple easily, even understandably, loses sight of their core business – to bring value to that which they most value, their family. These thoughts reflect the foundational principles associated with the concept of valuableDIVORCE. If interested in learning more about this process, visit the familyWORKZ homepage and see if something, anything, surprises you. The key to inducing change to occur is to first get the other person’s attention. Then, if you are willing and able to combine imagination, guts and courage, then you might have a chance. But, be forewarned, you will have to become a different type of “tough.”