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ourWORKZ

The official blog of familyWORKZ™

May 19, 2010

Valuable Arguments

Filed under: Couples,divorce,Families — Tags: — admin @ 12:23 pm

One thing we all have in common is that we don’t always get along with everyone. While our wildest dreams can imagine that we “should” get along with everyone all of the time, such dreams never come true.

So, what we know is that sooner or later, likely when we least expect it, a wedge will be driven between ourselves and another person. Typically the wedge issue erupts into an argument. That is, we will disagree.

Now, the problem with arguments is not that we have them, but that they often lead to further disruption and bad feelings. In this way, the arguments have a way of driving the wedge even deeper. What drives the wedge down is our tendency to judge the other person. When our minds go into “judgment mode,” we stop learning. Stated another way, when our mind judges, it closes down and, in this way, our mind stops working. That is, when the mind has made up its mind, it believes itself to be right and becomes stuck with its knowledge of knowing that it is right.

When the wedge becomes obvious, the key is to do the opposite of what the mind always does. Instead of closing down and becoming judgmental, it is important to open up our minds and learn. In this way, learning is the opposite of judging. When an arguments arises, try opening up your mind and try something valuable – try doing what is best for the relationship.

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