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The official blog of familyWORKZ™

August 25, 2009

The Value of Time

Filed under: Couples,Families,parenting — Tags: — admin @ 11:21 pm

Values are beliefs that influence people’s behavior and decision-making tendencies. That which is important in our lives, directly and silently guides our actions.

At one level, on the surface, we know what is important. It is likely our children, our family, our spouse, or our pets come to mind. Yet, at a much deeper level, when we are pressured or stressed, that which is most important is not readily reflected in our actions or behaviors. Under stress, our kindness toward those we most value interestingly diminishes. This conflict illustrates one of our uniquely human frailties – selfishness. That is, while “others” are highly valued most of the time, when things get tough our minds rapidly retreat back to our “self.”

Don’t beat yourself up if this is happening to you. Instead, take a breath, examine your values, and then ask yourself,” What am I willing to do about this situation?”

If you experiencing a conflict between your stated values and your actions, then reflect on The Value of Your Time. This is done by becoming more conscious about how your values and time collide. Here is an exercise to rebalance yourself.

Exercise: Over the next week, consider your values (e.g., work, important relationships, leisure time activities, community, family, spirituality) and ask where you are willing to DEVOTE MORE TIME, DEVOTE LESS TIME, and DEVOTE THE SAME TIME. By doing so, it is likely you will be more “in-control” of your values, rather than being “controlled” by time.

January 12, 2009

Last Things First

Filed under: divorce — Tags: , — admin @ 2:47 am

The word “divorce” brings to mind a host of tangled thoughts and feelings. Ranging from embarassment to despair, the experience of this word triggers surprise, confusion, disappointment and many other imbalancing reactions. The negative power of this word is strong and lasting. Once spoken, its impact stains the overall quality of the dialogue and channels the conversation into uncomfortable circles. 

The problem with divorce is its staying power. The divide it creates between partners is difficult to overcome. One key thought is to think about “last things first.” This idea emphasizes the quality of one’s LAST NAME. Since all members of a divorced family share a last name, or at least did at one time, by focusing on the function of the last name – to join everyone together – it serves as a reminder to do what is best for the family first and place your needs a close second. By doing so, opportunities for generosity, compassion, and kindness make themselves more available.

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